Faced with Unplanned/unwanted Pregnancy? Help is Here

"I am pregnant" - 3 little words that will impact 3 lives - yourself, your partner and your child - forever in a BIG way. If you have an unwanted pregnancy, an unexpected pregnancy, or unplanned pregnancy, you have a big decision to make. What to do about an unwanted pregnancy? Find out your options. Evaluate your choice:

Get married now

Be a single mom

Abort your baby

Relinquish your parental rights through Adoption

You Have a Choice

"You have the right to choose the option that is best for you. The choice is yours and yours alone to make and live with. Make an informed life choice." ~ Angel, Founder of help-Iampregnant.com

Get Married

Marriage is an option in a crisis pregnancy. In some culture, marriage is a way to uphold the honour of their daughters. But statistics said that these early marriages mostly ended in divorce

Getting married means that your baby has the benefit of their father's name and income. Of course marriage requires that both individuals want to be joined in this union.

The legal marriage age for Muslims is 18. This brings Muslim marriages in line with that for other Singaporeans.

You can learn how to parent with confidence through short and affordable parenting workshops.

Single Mom

Being a single unwed mother is not easy.

Babies are completely helpless and require their parents to do everything for them to ensure their survival.

You must consider the time and energy that you will need to give in order to meet the needs of your child.

Your freedom and moments of privacy can be reduced to almost nothing after you give birth to your child and for many years thereafter.

Your child will go with you every where you go. They will awake in the middle of the night to be fed, changed or just because they are awake. If they get a cold, there will be more doctor bills, time missed from work, and a loss of much needed wages.

This can be very challenging to any new mother. As your child grows, they will need you in different ways to tend, nurture and teach them. It will take a lot of patience and maturity to raise your child. It becomes a reality that this little child in front of you is someone whose future and welfare you are responsible for.

A woman may feel that she has lost the opportunity to finish school, go out with her friends. It could even cause the loss of other relationships because you are too busy or no fun anymore. Your friends or boyfriend may not want to be around you much as time goes by because you have too much responsibility.


Parenting is a job that is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the next 18 years of your life or longer. It is a commitment that you will need to be prepared for.

But with adequate support, you will survive. To be able to love and to be loved by your child is priceless.

FAQ for Single Mom

Here are some questions to consider about single parenting:

Question: I can't afford to live on my own, where can I live with my baby?

Consider your childcare options in each situation:
Living with a friend or relative
Staying in a group home for single mothers
Living with your parents or the birthfather's parents
Finding an apartment in HDB

Question: How do I get support from the father?
I don't want to be a mother on welfare. Can I get job training?

Question: Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn't work out?
If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to consider adoption, adoption is still an option. It takes courage to realize that by yourself you cannot provide all that your child needs. But separating from a child with whom you have bonded can be difficult. We will be happy to help you with the adoption process.

Question: I'm not sure I will be a good parent.
Parenting can be a struggle at any age no matter what the circumstances. You can learn to parent with confidence through parenting workshops.

Question: I need a support group Where can I find them?
There are pregnancy crisis service and shelter for unwed mothers. Contact us for details.

The Birth Experience "I pushed. His body slid out of mine, still connected by that magical cord and he was laid on my belly. My God, the weight of him! He's heavy! I looked down into his face and everything I had ever known until that moment became insignificant. I was looking at the first thing I had ever done that was beautiful and perfect and the magnitude of it was enough to shelter us from the noises and sterility around us. We gazed at each other and in that brief second, someone needed me."

Abortion

If you are considering abortion, we want you to know what this choice could mean to your future. Abortion doesn't erase a mistake, but can create many other problems in your life.

You don't need to make this decision right away. Slow down and allow time to think. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to have an abortion. You do have the choice not to have an abortion

FAQ on Abortion

Is the Embryo a human life?
All doctors and scientists agree that human life begins at conception. Even though the fertilised egg is as tiny as a single cell, it has all the genetic information it needs to grow into a baby and it is already growing and developing immediately after conception. Can you hear the silent scream?

Is Abortion a religious Issue?
Abortion is a moral issue affecting all people. Just like stealing and killing is always morally wrong regardless of religion, so too is abortion as it kills a human life.

Is Abortion legal?
Abortion is legal in Singapore but.it is morally wrong. Just like gambling, prostitution and drugs, being legalised by the government does not mean it is morally right.

Why bring an unwanted baby into the World?
Killing a baby is immoral. The child is innocent. There are many couples who are unable to conceive. They will be glad to adopt your child. There are no illegitimate child, only illegitimate parents.

I am really not ready to be a mother, what can I do?
Contact us for helpline numbers

Here are some things to consider before you make this decision

1. Know the possible risks in an abortion
Abortion has physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological risk such as:

Post Abortion Distress Syndrome

increased risk of Breast Cancer

risk of Subsequent Premature Delivery

other medical risks

2. Confirm your pregnancy with a doctor who doesn't do abortions It is possible that the abortion clinic may provide you with incorrect information in order to obtain your abortion fee. Carol Everett is a woman who used to provide abortion services in Texas USA. She testified in Congress that she sold abortions to women who were not pregnant, but feared they were. For the best medical input on abortion, we recommend you speak with a medical professional who has nothing to gain in your abortion decision.

3. Understand you have rights in an abortion
It is against the law for anyone to force you to have an abortion. Not even a husband or parent can require you to undergo an abortion against your will, even if you are a minor (under 18 years old).

4. Understand you can change your mind - even at the last minute
Many women who have experienced abortion relay that they felt they had to go through with the procedure once they had entered the clinic. Others say that they waited on the abortion table to be "rescued" by their boyfriend at the last minute. Some clinics even told the women that they couldn't get their money back if they changed their mind.

Abortion providers know that this is an agonizing decision and sometimes see women change their mind at the last minute because, as they say, "I simply can't do this!" Know your rights. Don't be pressured or intimidated. If the procedure is not performed, demand your money back.

5. Understand that it's not a "blob of tissue"
Some abortion clinics tell women that their babies are not human at all, but simply a "blob of tissue" or a "dot." For many it is easier to have an abortion if the woman believes her child isn't yet human. Ultrasound photos show that at early stages of pregnancy the humanness of the embryo is clearly evident. When some women see these photos after their abortion, they are overwhelmed and grieved that the information the abortion clinic provides was misleading. An ultrasound will reveal the true development of your children. Do you know what a preborn child looks like?

6. Know the effect of abortion
With abortion, pregnancy ends with death. The womb becomes the tomb. The mother could be haunted with the guilt, shame and memory of taking an innocent life. There is no good memory of the unborn child - no baby, no smile, no little fingers or toes to remember. She will miss the opportunity to see her child grow day by day.

Abortion is final. You can't undo and the return the life back to the child. These are the consequences that you must deal with the rest of your life.

I Had An Abortion

Read the stories of hundreds of people who all say 'I Had An Abortion'

I was Aborted

What the aborted child would say to you

Struggle after Abortion?

By Sydna Massé, President and Founder, Ramah International

If you are one of the millions of women who have made the choice to have an abortion, you know that the memories associated with this experience can be difficult and even painful.

Months and years may go by without any remembrance of the abortion experience. Then, one day, you find yourself wondering what your life would have been like had your child lived.

Triggers like seeing children that are the same age your child might have been, or the anniversary date of the abortion/birth date of the child, may leave you feeling anxious, scared, and fearful.For most women, the abortion is a closely held secret. Rarely do we talk about this pain with family or friends. Many feel fearful that they will judge us if they know they made an abortion choice. There is good news - God can heal abortion pain and bring new joy to your heart.

How do you know you need post-abortion healing?

Perhaps you are thinking, "Okay, so I had an abortion. But that is in the past. Do I really need to be healed?" Some women seemingly never need to work through any kind of healing process. But for many of us, the memory of abortion lies like a hidden infection within, weakening and impairing us in ways we may have never realized were related. Is that true for you?

Post-Abortion Trauma

See if you recognize yourself in some of the following questions:

Do you feel reluctant to talk about the subject of abortion, or do you feel guilt, anger, or sorrow when discussing your own abortion?

Do you tend to think of your life in terms of "before" and "after" the abortion?

Do you have lingering feelings of resentment or anger toward people involved in your abortion, such as the baby's father, friends, or your parents?

Have you found yourself either avoiding relationships or becoming overly dependent in them since the abortion? Are you overly protective of any children you have now?

Have you begun or increased use of drugs or alcohol since the abortion, or do you have an eating disorder?

Have you felt a vague sort of emptiness, a deep sense of loss, or had prolonged periods of depression?

Do you sometimes have nightmares, flashbacks, or hallucinations relating to the abortion?

If so, it is likely you are experiencing pain related to your abortion, many times referred to as "post-abortion trauma."

After My Abortion

As a woman who made the choice to abort my first child in 1981, I understand the feelings many women experience. The research arm of Planned Parenthood the Alan Guttmacher Institute, the world's largest abortion provider, states that, "at current rates, 43% of all women will experience abortion at least once by the time they are 45 years of age." If abortion is such a common experience, why do post-abortive women rarely speak about their abortions?

You Are Not Alone

...After my abortion I found myself fighting hard to forget the experience. I avoided babies and children while involving myself in the abortion-rights campaign. This was short-lived because hearing the word "abortion" made me cringe. In an attempt to convince myself that aborting my child was my only choice, I found myself turning to drugs and alcohol to numb my emotions. It was difficult to sleep without being high because I had haunting nightmares of crying children.

On the day my child would have been born, I cried all night. I thought I was going crazy because I didn't have a good reason for my tears. My head could not acknowledge my loss but my heart did.It didn't take long for me to become angry. My anger was directed primarily at my old boyfriend. I blamed him for the abortion because he said he would leave me and tell everyone it wasn't his child. Why would I want to bring a "blob of tissue" into the world whose father would reject him?

I felt my college career was more important than maternity. How could I break my parent's hearts? I never realized that I was robbing them of their first grandchild. My anger helped offset the pain I was feeling.For eleven years I was able to control these emotions. After my sons were born, I recognized that my pre-born child was not a "blob of tissue" as the abortion nurse had told me. Facing the love that I had for my living children left me with unresolved emotions about my lost child. I never realized that my mother's heart would be unable to forget the child I had aborted.

Joy Comes in the Mourning

Eleven years past before my calm reserve evaporated and my heart finally broke apart. Suddenly I found myself crying at the drop of a hat remembering the abortion. My anger now shifted towards myself. Why didn't I stand up for the life of my child? In realizing my role in the abortion, I was overwhelmed with guilt.

Day and night my heart ached as I finally allowed myself to mourn my lost child.I finally discovered a post-abortion bible study and found peace in understanding that other women shared my emotions. My pain wasn't unique but typical. What a relief to know I wasn't going crazy! I began to learn how much the Lord loved me. He died on the cross for all my sins - including the abortion! He wanted to heal my heart and bring me closer to Him.

Week by week I dealt with each emotion - denial, anger, fear, grief, shame, guilt and sorrow. I named my child, Jesse, so he was no longer an unknown entity in my heart. At the end of the bible study I joined my fellow post-abortive sisters in a memorial service commemorating his brief life.During the service, the pastor spoke about Jesus raising his friend, Lazarus, from the dead (John 11). When Jesus spoke to him, Lazarus came out of his tomb wrapped in burial clothes. Jesus asked his friends to release Lazarus from his grave clothes. The pastor compared us to the resurrected Lazarus. We are alive but tightly bound by the grave clothes of our aborted children.

The pastor's illustration described me exactly. When he prayed with me, a new joy overwhelmed me. I was released from the bondage of my sin and free to experience life in a renewed way. Jesse was safe in the arms of Jesus and I wanted to work to make sure his death was not in vain.Through the years God has put me in touch with many women considering abortion. Today, many children are alive now and hundreds of post-abortive women have come to a place of peace with Jesus because of Jesse's short life.

There is no greater joy in the world than holding a child God has used you to save. What peace I have found in helping other women who face with the same choice in a crisis pregnancy! Without our healed voices attesting to the spiritual, emotional and psychological pain of the abortion choice, abortion will remain a legal choice.

The Hope of Healing

To find complete peace from your abortion experience, you need to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. His love is available to everyone - even someone who has chosen abortion. If you have never asked Jesus Christ into your heart, you can do so right now.The path of salvation is shown in John 3:16 and Romans 10:9 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."Do you want an intimate relationship with Jesus? These scriptures are your blueprints for salvation. Open your heart and believe in Jesus and ask Him to help you heal. If you are a Christian and still struggle with memories of your abortion, pray and ask the Lord to help you deal with this pain.

After you have prayed, seek out fellowship with those who minister to post-abortive individuals. Visit this center. I know that they care about you and won't judge you. They can provide confidential care to those of you who are struggling. Take a step of faith today and seek the help that God has for you.

Additional resources: www.afterabortion.org

Adoption

You have an unplanned pregnancy. Decision, decision, decision.

First, you have to chose whether to abort a pregancy or give birth.

After your child is born, you have to decide whether to get married early, to be an unwed mother, or to terminate all parental rights.

The choice whether to surrender all parental rights should never be made until after your child is born and you has had the opportunity to care for your newborn child.

While adoption gives your innocent child a chance at life and a better future than you can afford to give, it is hard and painful to think that you will not be able to see your child again. When you look at other children, they remind you of your own.

You cannot comprehend what it is like to be separated from your own child forever.

You wonder how you can go through life never knowing what is happening to your child. If you are based in SIngapore, you have to trust that the Singapore law are strict in protecting children and the authorities will not hesitate to remove the child from any family who abuse a child.

When you hold your wrinkled alien-looking being in your arm, to you, it is the most beautiful baby in the world. You might change your mind about adoption when you fall in love with your child.

So think carefully. The letter of consent is legally binding.

To be able to keep and provide for your child is the best. Adoption is only second best.

Reasons to Consider Adoption

There are many reasons to consider adoption.

Maybe you know in your heart that you can't take care of your baby. There's not enough time, money, or help. Maybe you already have children and one more baby would be too much stress on you. Perhaps you are just afraid and want to know more about this choice. .

There are many loving couples that would love to have a baby of their own, but can't due to infertility. They are waiting for a person like you - a person that wants to give a baby life..

They want to love your baby and provide a strong and stable environment where your child can flourish.You are doing the right thing by researching all of your options..

If you are a student, you still have dreams to further your education. You are free to pursue your goals and dreams that you had before you were pregnant..

You are still not matured enough to care for a child. You will not have to care for a baby before you are ready..

You are not working. You will not have the financial burden of caring for a child. There is no cost to you if you choose adoption. The adoptive family will pay for your medical care, your living expenses and pregnancy-related expenses such as maternity clothing, food, prenatal vitamins, medical checks and visits to the doctor. .

You are not in the best condition to provide for your child. When you think of your baby, you will think of him or her as happy and loved by a mommy and daddy..

You will know you gave the greatest gift of all - a child, to a couple whose hope and dream was a baby to love..

Frequently Asked Questions About Adoption

How can I be helped financially?

There is no cost to you for adoption. The adoptive family usually pays for pregnancy related medical expenses for you and your baby.

Can I choose a family for my baby? />
On your own, if you can choose a relative, a friend or someone who has been recommended by those you trust, it will be better. We have different families to choose from.

Will I get to see my baby after birth and after adoption?

You may have as much contact with your baby at the hospital as you desire. But once the adoption is finalised, the birth mother usually has no contact with the child. Sometimes, when the child grows up, the child may want to contact the birth mother.

In Singapore, the practice is only closed adoption. Closed adoption means that there is no contact at all between the birthparents and the adoptive parents. No identifying information is exchanged.

So, if you want to have your baby placed up for adoption, you must think very carefully if this is what you really want.? This is an important and permanent decision.

Once you sign the letter of consent to relinquish your rights, it is legally binding. It means that the the birth mother decides she cannot take care of the baby. We will help arrange adoption and all the legal process.

How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child's placement depends on these factors:

What you prefer to be the time of placement

The cooperation of the birthfather

Many women want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital, but some may prefer to place their baby in temporary care while considering adoption.

Am I a bad mother if I choose adoption?

Society generally thinks a really caring mother would never up her child. But there are circumstances such as extreme poverty where the mother is unable to provide for the child. A mother is unselfish who place her child's best interest above her own. It is an ultimate sacrifice for a mother to give life to her child and to be forever separate from the child. It takes a lot of love to give your child to someone who has the ability to take better care of the child and who also loves your child.

Please allow us to assist you in the adoption process. Please contact us

"There are no illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents." ~ Judge Leon Yankwich

Hi Men!

Perhaps you are wondering if she is even carrying your baby. Maybe friends and family are encouraging you to push her to have an abortion. Whatever your situation, you are not alone. Lots of couples experience a "surprise" pregnancy and immediately worry about how this will affect their future. Abortion seems like an easy and legal choice but it does have significant risks that you may not understand.

Having a baby doesn't mean the end of your dreams.It's hard to realize that women can choose abortion without the permission of the baby's father. Many women who have had abortions report that they were waiting for their boyfriends/husbands to stop them. Some even say that they sat on the abortion table hoping the father of their baby would "rush through the door to rescue me and take me away somewhere safe."

She needs your friendship now more than ever. It's impossible to determine if you are the father of the baby until after the birth of the baby. If you've been with her sexually, assume that you are probably the father of her baby. The world says that abortion is "a woman's choice" but the woman in a crisis pregnancy rarely wants to make that choice alone. She is looking to you for support because she can't confide in many people about this crisis situation.

When women hear men say, "Don't look at me to tell you what to do," they automatically believe the man wants the abortion. Be careful that you don't say something that you could regret. Assure her that you will stand beside her in whatever way she needs through this crisis. Inform her immediately that she doesn't need to have an abortion to please you. Tell her you want to help her in making any choices that will affect your future.

Confirming the Pregnancy

The first thing you need to do is find out that she is really pregnant and learn about your options. To help her understand your support, come with her for the pregnancy test. She has more to lose in this pregnancy than you do because it will affect her physically.

If she truly is pregnant then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that hinder her from making good decisions. Having your physical support will reassure her that you care.You may not realize this but abortion has many risks to the woman- emotional, psychological and physical. While you may not experience the abortion physically, abortion can affect you as well. If you care about this woman in your life, you will want to protect her from harm. You need to know are the physical risks of abortion.

Another interesting thing about abortion that we have learned from people that made this choice is that most couples break up soon afterwards. Abortion doesn't seem to be the glue that holds a relationship together. Feelings of betray and hurt, compounded with the grief over the loss that results from abortion, can separate two hearts forever. If you care about this woman, encourage her not to abort.

Remember that abortion doesn't erase a mistake - it only adds new ones. Abortion is PERMANENT. There is no "undoing" this decision. Wait and research all your options.

After Abortion

If you choose abortion or already have participated in this decision, be prepared that both of you may experience what is called "Post-Abortion Syndrome" or "Post-Abortion Stress". According to many studies that have been done on this subject, you may experience one or many of the following problems:

Fear of failure

Fear of being judged

Fear of making decisions

Fear of taking risks

Feeling of defeat

Feeling unworthy

Depression

Guilt

Shame

Panic Attacks

Addictions

Suicidal thoughts

Sexual dysfunctions

Sense of loss

Face up to your responsibility like a man. Talk to your parents and her parents.

Blog

My Blog about teenage pregnancy in Singapore.

My recent posts:

Abortion in Singapore

How I Survived my Teenage Pregnancy

Help, My daughter is pregnant!

Singapore teens ignorant about sex

What if you are pregnant, a teen and not married?

Fresh hope for Viet Toddler abandoned by Teen Mother

More teens have unprotected Sex

Read about these and more at ...help-iampregnant.com/blog

About us

Facing an unplanned pregnancy?
You are not alone. There are many women in similar situation like yourself at the crossroad of decision. We understand the concerns you have, the questions in your mind. Let us help you provide the best life possible for your baby.

Our Mission
Our mission is to respond to the needs of teens and women faced with unwanted pregnancies, and those who are likely to turn to abortion as an easy way out of their predicament.

Pregnant & Considering Adoption?
If you are pregnant and considering placing your baby for adoption, we have many many couples who are childless and hope to adopt a child. They able to provide a secure and loving home for your child. The adoptive family usually pays for pregnancy related medical expenses for you and your baby.

We are dedicated to helping you find the right adoptive family for your child. The adoption services to you is free.

We provide free and confidential services on education about pregnancy, abortion and alternatives.

Contact Us for Help. All services are free and confidential. sam @ help-iampregnant.com